While it takes a lot of patience to hold on to a fatigued relationship, it takes even more courage to walk away from it. Many of us carry on with empty relationships even when we know deep down that we deserve better, and we could get it. Though, pretending to be happy can sometimes be easy, living a lie is always tough. So, listen to your heart when it says it’s time to move on—as these three women did.When he constantly puts you down
“My ex-boyfriend and I were like chalk and cheese. I am talkative; I don’t care much for social graces and I love going out with friends. He is an introvert, particular about his Ps and Qs. He loves western classical music and he could never stomach my bhangra-pop playlists. When we first met, the physical attraction made our differences seem negligible. But as the relationship continued, he’d keep correcting my language, table manners, the way I dressed and how I interacted with people. He berated me often and sometimes in public. Later, the sex was all that kept us going; we had left to talk about and the silences became awkward. That’s when I decided to call it off. Life is lonely, but at least I am not selling myself a fake dream.”
Amrita Chauhan, 28, film marketing professional
When he refuses to trust you
“My boyfriend and I had great fun together, but we fought a lot—especially over my ex who was my dear friend. When my boyfriend’s temper tantrums got out of control, I snapped all ties with my ex. But it didn’t end there—my boyfriend got overbearing every time he saw me having a friendly conversation with any man. He used to check phone calls, and cross-examine. Though he was demonstrative, protective, thoughtful otherwise, no amount of reassurance was enough to pacify him. Things became sour when he started calling me all the time at work to keep tabs on my whereabouts. I had to choose between keeping a job and keeping him happy. I just couldn’t live in such a relationship. The split was tearful, but I am happier today and, my guess is, so is he.”
When he refuses to trust you
“My boyfriend and I had great fun together, but we fought a lot—especially over my ex who was my dear friend. When my boyfriend’s temper tantrums got out of control, I snapped all ties with my ex. But it didn’t end there—my boyfriend got overbearing every time he saw me having a friendly conversation with any man. He used to check phone calls, and cross-examine. Though he was demonstrative, protective, thoughtful otherwise, no amount of reassurance was enough to pacify him. Things became sour when he started calling me all the time at work to keep tabs on my whereabouts. I had to choose between keeping a job and keeping him happy. I just couldn’t live in such a relationship. The split was tearful, but I am happier today and, my guess is, so is he.”
Elsa Paul, 30, environmental scientist
When you don’t miss him much “We smugly scoffed at couples who were joined at the hip. Initially, the space was liberating, but when his job took him away for long spells, I missed him. Soon the calls diminished to once in 10 days. I came to accept his behaviour as part of the ‘space’ we gave each other. I noticed that even I didn’t miss him when he was away. We didn’t rush into each other’s arms when we met after these spells of separation. When my sister pointed this out to me, it got me thinking. I had a chat with my boyfriend and we realised we had drifted apart. We parted ways, but we continue to be friends.”
Ranjita Nair, 30, graphic designer
Not so soon!
Write down what exactly is bothering you, before you call it quits. “If a relationship is on the rocks, it is under threat from one of the five Cs: controlling, correcting, complaining, criticising and comparing,” says relationship counsellor Dr Sanjoy Mukerji. If a partner’s behaviour threatens to drown your self-image, it’s worth addressing. And if your discussions end up in bitter fights, maybe you just need a counsellor to help you through the rough patch.”
When you don’t miss him much “We smugly scoffed at couples who were joined at the hip. Initially, the space was liberating, but when his job took him away for long spells, I missed him. Soon the calls diminished to once in 10 days. I came to accept his behaviour as part of the ‘space’ we gave each other. I noticed that even I didn’t miss him when he was away. We didn’t rush into each other’s arms when we met after these spells of separation. When my sister pointed this out to me, it got me thinking. I had a chat with my boyfriend and we realised we had drifted apart. We parted ways, but we continue to be friends.”
Ranjita Nair, 30, graphic designer
Not so soon!
Write down what exactly is bothering you, before you call it quits. “If a relationship is on the rocks, it is under threat from one of the five Cs: controlling, correcting, complaining, criticising and comparing,” says relationship counsellor Dr Sanjoy Mukerji. If a partner’s behaviour threatens to drown your self-image, it’s worth addressing. And if your discussions end up in bitter fights, maybe you just need a counsellor to help you through the rough patch.”
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