Dear fans,
I am saddened as I write this letter. I know I have
disappointed you with the series loss against England and my performance isn’t
what you have always expected of me. I have always given my best for the team,
but the results are not in my favour this time around. People are clamouring
for my retirement and I can’t agree more with them. I have not been living up
to the standards that I have set for myself through the years and I am indeed
answerable to the fans.
I apologize to you for my dismal performances, and for
failing you time and again. It is a general misconception among people that I
have grown complacent and taking things for granted. But I can assure you that
I am the same person who made his debut at the age of 16 as an excited
teenager. I have been following my routine right from the day I made my debut
till today. Nothing has changed, neither the preparation nor the mind-set.
Maybe age is finally catching up to me, something I have been trying to fight
for the major part of the last five years. I have been training harder to keep
myself fit and strong in order to be able to give my best.
Cricket has been my calling right from a young age. I still
remember the day me and Vinod were playing together in a Harris-Shield trophy
match, where we put up a 600 run partnership. The immense enjoyment of being on
the field all day long with my best friend was all I could dream about for the
next few days. That was the day I decided to play cricket for the rest of my
life, for I loved it more than anything; food, chocolates, bicycles- things
that a fourteen year old could long for.
Years have passed after that and things are not the same
anymore. I have matured both as a person and as a player. But the hunger still
remains the same. I still want to do well and give my best whenever I walk on
the field; something that has been my mantra all through the years. I have
achieved so much in cricket- the fame, the money and the compliments came to me
on their own. I am proud of my records when I look back at them today. The only
thing I almost missed out on was the World Cup; I got there too in the end,
with a team as determined as I was, who strove along with me to achieve the
glory that I was unable to attain for almost 22 years.
But the real struggle was after the World Cup, when I had to
suffer through another lean patch, which I am going through even now. People
wanted me to go now that I have gotten my wishes fulfilled. They said it was
the right time for me to retire, since my dream has been achieved. But I felt I
can contribute more to the cause of the Indian team. The team needs some good
youngsters to fill the places of seniors when we retire, and someone should be
there to guide them, or so we felt. It might be a wrong decision but it was for
the greater good. Perhaps we realized our mistake when we heard “the seniors
are selfish to block the place of talented youngsters!”
Our only thoughts were about setting the team up for the youngsters
and getting the tough tours to England and Australia out of the way, so that
the youngsters can have a smoother path into the test team. But we did not
consider our own problems, which were the roots of our own destruction.
It was a tough time for us after Australia, losing both VVS
and Rahul. It brought me back down to earth, and I started contemplating
retirement. But I had some solace after the century against Bangladesh, though
we were unlucky to lose the match. Two series later, we were facing the same
predicament against England at home and it was humiliating to lose the series.
It was a nightmare for us, having had to endure the cricket crazy fans’
reaction. People started talking about my retirement again, claiming that I was
selfish and I had to go sooner rather than later. They even said I am choosing
my matches for the fear of facing quality opponents. It isn’t true, of course.
I am an old man who wants to spend some quality time with my kids. They should
know me enough to call me father and I do not want to miss their growing up
years. Therefore, I take some time off between series to be with them.
I have to admit that I am a bit selfish, for I have been
playing the game for the better part of my life. I have not known anything
other than cricket. Every day I wake up to take up a bat and I sleep after
arranging my kit bags. It has been a penance for the last 25 years and it would
be hard for me to just give up everything. Retirement
would be equal to death for me, as I have lived cricket all my life.
Frankly, I do not know what to do with myself once I retire. Will I be able to
secure a job as a TV commentator, a trend that has been catching up with some
former players, or would I be a successful coach? Nothing pleases me like
playing cricket and I am not sure whether I am made for other things in life. I
have watched many players retiring, but I never had to think about how they
would have felt while retiring. It was an irrelevant thought a few years back,
but now I know how exactly each of them would have felt.
I know it’s time for me to go, but as a fellow Indian, I ask
this of you dear fans; I am not able to let go of cricket after all these
years, and even talking about it makes me feel worse. I just need some time to
sort my life out, to decide on what to do with myself once I retire. I am not
here for the fame or for the records but for the passion that I had and I have
for this game right from the day I picked up a bat. I am making up my mind and
I need a little more time to announce my retirement. It is a humble request
from a dedicated servant of cricket and I would feel happy if you oblige me.
Thank you
Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar
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